It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
