The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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