is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
