Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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