I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
