she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
