I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
