Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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