so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
