I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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