I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
