i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
