Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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