We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
