Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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