We need to rekindle our bromance
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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