I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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