a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
