well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize