so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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