why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
