I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
