I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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