The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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