oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
