we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
