Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
