It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
