Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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