2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
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I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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