New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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