Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
