he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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