i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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