I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
