did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
