Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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