he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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