you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
