I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am one with the molecules
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
