She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
