Having a random hookup so left but love u
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
