Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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