Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
