There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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