get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
