He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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