I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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