I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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