I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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