Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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