some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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