took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
