Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
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