Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I want is dick and wine.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
