Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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