Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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