Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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