If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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