i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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