Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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