I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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