she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
