It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
